I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
