I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
