sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
