Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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