I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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