At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
