He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
