just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
