were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
