and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
