I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
