it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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