You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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