i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
