there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need water and some morals
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