My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
