Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My penis needs a shock collar
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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