somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize