I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
