nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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