bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
this is an emotional support booty call
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm both gender and math confused
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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