Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
