im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
