By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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