My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
