i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
