Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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