Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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