i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
