He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
