every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize