i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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