Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
