Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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