When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
