Please, let me fuck your mom
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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