We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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