so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
