i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
