When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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