wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
