i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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