im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
