Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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