Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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