im about as happy as oj after his trial
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you made out with another girl for some wings
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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