You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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