I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
