she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize