And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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