i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
