Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
