Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
