So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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