I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
