i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is Oprah even human
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
