So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
