I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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