I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
