I seem to have left my pride at pride
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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