All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
