i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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