at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I supernannyed him into submission
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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