i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize