Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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