My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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