Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
