she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
