No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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