And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
