just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
